things I learned last week in bullet form

• There is something called wookieepedia. It's the Star Wars "Wiki" where you can go to get information on all things Star Wars. I didn't actually have a question for them so I can't say for 100% certainty that they know everything, but just browsing through it I think they do.
• It takes more than three 16ft strands of Christmas lights to line the lower part of our roof.
• Also, for whatever reason, no matter how many giant ornaments I hang from my lights on either side of my garage, it looks dirty.... I think I'm going to have to go with wreaths or bows.
• I am too old to eat nothing but junk food all day. I need my veggies or I get a stomach ache.
• Just because the Target website says they have a certain toy AND it's available, doesn't mean they do or it is. GRRRR.....
• Deep down in places I don't talk about at parties (name that movie), I'm still a Treki.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I had a dream

... a really bizarre dream.

I was Oprah's bastard child that she gave up for adoption because I was too white.

Analyze that one Freud!!!

eavesdropping on kindergarteners

I was volunteering in my oldest sons class today and this is the conversation I overheard...

The other kid - "Your mom looks different."

My kid - "Yeah she has freckles, most moms don't."

I wonder if it's a source of embarrassment for him?

And for the record, I think the little boy was referring to the fact that my hair was curly and I had make-up on. Normally I'm sporting a pony-tail and sweats when I volunteer.

Conversations with my children.

My oldest- "Oh, the movie is called ONE hundred and one Dalmatians, not A hundred and one dalmatians. You said it wrong mom."

This one came through heavy sobs over the phone while I was at school.

my oldest - "Mom I need to tell you something really important."

me - "okay"

my oldest - "I just really don't like homework and I don't want to do it."

Here was a disappointing conversation for my oldest.

my oldest -"mom, what's 1000 + 25?!!!"

me - "1,025"

my oldest - "oh, thats not very different."

This was a conversation our nanny Carla had with my youngest.

my youngest - "I'm gonna ask Santa for your phone for Christmas."

Carla - "you can't have a phone until you're 15"

my youngest - "What?! I'm huge!!" He then climbed onto an overturned laundry basket and stuck his belly out as far as he could.

Glory Glory Hallelujah!! I wish I'd had my camcorder....

My oldest came to me today to show me how loose his tooth was. I wiggled it and then said, "You should let me punch you in the face to knock it out!!!" I fully expected him to scream no, but instead he said okay and stuck his jaw out for me to whack him one. I wound my fist up and acted like I was going to punch him, then of course put my fist down and told him I would never do something like that.

My youngest looked at me like I had just told him Santa didn't exist. He then decided to take matters into his own hands and flew across the room to punch his older brother square in the face.

Shocked, I grabbed my youngest and was explaining that he couldn't punch his brother in the face, (even though I knew it was my irresponsibility that had caused the whole thing), when my oldest in a shocked voice said, "hey it worked!! He knocked my tooth out!!"

And sure enough, he had!! That tooth flew out of my oldest sons mouth, it took us 3 minutes to find!

Here's the newly lost tooth, it's his 3rd.

Here's my youngest showing off his muscles that knocked the tooth out.

...and here's the reenactment.

I'm so glad I don't have girls....

Look what I found...

I was challenged today to prove that I had in fact been pregnant. I knew I had a picture of it somewhere even though we had lost most of our pictures during the computer crash of '07. And I found it on my long forgotten myspace page in a slide show. But I didn't just find a pregnancy picture, (which I will not be sharing with you today), I found some of my favorite pictures ever...

My youngest was brand new in this picture, my oldest adored him.

this is my oldest, I still think he was the most beautiful baby ever.

Those blond curls made my heart melt daily, in this picture he had just woken up from a nap and had some crazy bed-head. Also take notice of those gorgeous lips...

sigh..... I wish I could hold this baby just one more time...

But, nothing beats this....

I tried not to say anything...

...because I know it's what he would want. But I just can't help myself,

Hot Docta Hill Turned 30!!!!!

He seems to be taking it well.

My rays of sunshine

......and that's how I know everything will be okay.

I'm gonna ramble for a few minutes

So I have a lot on my mind and it's just starting to weigh me down a little too much lately. If you don't feel like listening to me bitch and moan for a few minutes please feel free to navigate away from the page now. Also, I am NOT looking for pity or sympathy, I hate pity and sympathy with a capital HATE!!! So don't do it. It's not why I'm posting this. I'm posting it in hopes that putting it out in the universe will release it from my brain and maybe I can have a little peace.

And I would also like to add before anything else that I am truly happy right now. I feel so lucky and loved in my life. I can honestly say I have never been more content with my life than I am now. I'm just stressed, and here's why....

To start, I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. On the one hand I definitely want to go to law school and prove to myself and everyone else that I am smart enough, and talented enough to do it. I have also decided that by having a high paying career I could possibly get out of cleaning toilets for the rest of my life, and that's a huge perk if you ask me!!

But on the other hand, I've realized this year what is truly important to me, and it's my kids. With the loss of my niece at the beginning of the year, and the brain tumor/scary neurological disease scare over the summer, I've really had to think about what was important and what I really wanted out of life. When there was the possibility of having a brain tumor that I might die from it I made a bucket list, and at the very top of the list was spending every minute I could with my children and making sure that they had the best memories possible of their mommy. The second thing on my list was reintroducing potatoes into my diet, which I have done and am a much happier person because of it. But back to spending time with my kids. I really do want them to have the best childhood possible for them, and I want to be volunteering in their classrooms and enjoying their soccer practices, and all the little things that their lives are, and right now I'm not because I just don't have the time or patience for it with all my school work.

My biggest fear in life is failure, and right now I feel like no matter what I choose I'll be failing at something. Do I show my kids that you never give up on your goals and that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to? Or do I stay home and make sure that their life is consistent, and that they are given all my attention and energy?

Next topic.... My hair was falling out for about 6 months!! I probably lost about half my hair. And I know some of you are thinking, "oh no! now you only have 3 times as much hair as me instead of 6!" Well, this may be true, but it is still traumatic and I still feel like I'm going bald. I can now see my scalp where I part my hair and it bothers me!!! I've been looking around and it appears this is normal, however it's not normal for me!!! I am happy to report that my hair has stopped falling out, but unfortunately has not started growing back yet. Oh, and the doctor thinks it was caused by a combination of hormone changes and stress, and assured me it was just a shedding phase and I should re-grow almost all my hair eventually.

Continuing in my problems with my looks is my skin. I am soooo broken out lately. I rarely to never had zits as a teenager and all of a sudden my face looks horrific!!! I have no idea what's causing it, but am pretty sure it's the same as my hair issue, stress and hormones. I don't know what to do about it either.

The next problem is my house. I still do not have a single picture on the wall. That is beyond pathetic people!!! I keep thinking I'm going to start decorating but then I panic and don't because I'm too afraid of the commitment!! Why is decorating my house so hard? I used to dream of owning my home so I could do whatever I wanted with it. Now I have the opportunity and have no idea what I want to do with it!!

The last problem is a huge one, and I don't want anyone to think that because it's last it's not weighing on me because it really, really, is. I hate that I live so far away from my sister right now. She is literally living through hell and I am not there for her. I have so much guilt I cannot even describe it to you. And then I wasn't even emotionally available for her over the summer because of my health scare, and I hate myself for it. I know she doesn't blame me for anything, but I blame myself. But the thing is, even if I did live close and even if I was stable, what could I actually do? Nothing, I can't take away her pain and that bothers me, and frustrates me, and makes me really angry!!!

Congratulations if you made it through that post, you are truly bored!!! But thanks for listening, I needed to get that off my chest.